Giving CPR left me seeking reassurance
BMJ 2024; 387 doi: https://doi.org/10.1136/bmj.q2121 (Published 11 December 2024) Cite this as: BMJ 2024;387:q2121
- Lynsey Duncan
- lynsey.duncan{at}chss.org.uk
Friday 5 November 2021 was just another day until I got the phone call that would change all of our lives. My father in law had collapsed at home in the family bathroom. I arrived within five minutes of that call to find him slumped against the bathroom wall with laboured breathing and no pulse. I immediately started to perform chest compressions.
At first, I was scared I was going to hurt him. I worried that I would break his ribs. I am sure this prevented me from giving effective compressions. I went into autopilot but as the minutes went on it felt like I was observing the situation rather than participating in it. I was listening for my husband to arrive and thinking, he cannot see me do this to his dad, how will he cope without his dad, and how am I going to tell my girls that they have lost their Granda? Yet in the background I was aware of my mother in law pacing the hall saying he wouldn’t want this. Maybe we should stop. It was surreal.
Questions that followed
I knew in my heart that John was not going to survive but I had to keep going until help arrived. I was exhausted and I knew that my chest compressions would be ineffective by this time. I can still hear myself shouting “come on John, come on Granda” to no effect.It took the paramedics and other first responder more than 20 minutes to arrive (we are in a rural setting). Everything had felt quite numb through it all, but the minute the emergency services arrived I was hysterical. All I could say was that I was sorry. It was my fault, but I had tried really hard.
The police attended as this was a sudden death and they asked me if I had done mouth-to-mouth resuscitation or just chest compressions. This innocent question was one that I would go over and over again in the following months, questioning whether I had done everything I could. During this time no one asked if I was OK or gave me any information on where I might find support to process all I had been through. I just wanted to be able to talk through my actions and get some reassurance. I blamed myself completely.
Processing alongside grief
Everyone around about me was grieving so I felt unable to share my feelings with family at that time. I wish there had been outside support that enabled me to speak to someone who was not emotionally involved in what happened. I have since learnt about Chest Heart & Stroke Scotland’s advice line, Out of Hospital Cardiac Arrest. This service provides support for anyone who has either witnessed or participated in an out-of-hospital cardiac arrest. The advice line team offers a listening ear if you want to talk through the event and can debrief with you if you wish. It would have really helped me to know there was always someone at the end of a phone. It would have given me confidence on my darker days.
What you need to know
Having to give CPR can leave a family member with guilt, wondering about what might have happened, and that it might happen again
Processing what has happened can take time and is often mixed up with grief. It is never too late to offer a listening ear
It is important to share any information on where individuals can find information or support after they have been involved in delivering CPR away from a hospital
Education in practice
How could you support someone who has had to give CPR in the community?
When might you offer support to someone who has had to give CPR?
Who might be able to support a friend or family member who has had to give CPR?
Additional information
CHSS Advice Line (available to anyone based in Scotland)
https://www.resus.org.uk/ (support available to everyone)
Footnotes
Competing interests: none.
Lynsey Duncan is deputy head of clinical services at Chest Heart and Stroke Scotland.
Provenance and peer review: commissioned; externally peer reviewed.